Lost Mail Black Hole
I accidentally put the button necklace I made a few days ago in a mailbox with a bunch of other things to be mailed out. It was in an envelope with no address, as I wasn’t planning on mailing it just yet. I called the post office, and got transferred to four different people, all who said just about the same thing. I started to think that there is a script that postal workers are told to read from when people do such things. It goes something like this:
1. When a customer calls to report that they have accidentally dropped something in a mailbox, act like they are the very first person to ever have done such a stupid thing.
2. Say “OooH NooO… Welp, its gone. I don’t know where it could be!”
3. If the customer says, well it has got to be somewhere, Say – “I don’t know. I don’t have any idea where it could have gone.”
4. Ask customer if it had a return address on it. When customer explains (again) that, No, there are no addresses on it because it wasn’t intended to be dropped in the mailbox, confirm that there was absolutley no way that there could have been a return address on it by saying “So… there was no return address at all? Anywhere on it? You’re sure?”
5. Transfer customer to the 1-800 number. ***If you are an employee at the 1-800 number office, follow steps 1-4 then transfer customer to her local post office. ***If you are an employee at the local post office, and customer has already talked to the 1-800 people, follow steps 1-4 then transfer her to your supervisor. ***If you are a supervisor at the local post office, and customer has already talked to an employee of yours, and the 1-800 people, and another employee of yours, follow steps 1-4 then transfer her back to the 1-800 people.
Repeat above steps until customer decides it is not worth pursuing the matter further. Go to break room. Eat cake.
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